Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Love at First Sight

Some years ago, I was a married man in new town. I liked my wife, but I certainly wasn't deeply in love with her. She was very cool, and we had many of the same interests. I had intended to retire, but as (mis)fortune would have it, things worked out to where I got in over my head and had to go back to work.

My usual tactic for seeking employment worked. I never "ask for an application". The first words my future employer will hear from me is "I'm ready to go to work, who do I need to talk to." I've never been without employment for more than two weeks using this tool by the way.

Several days later, while getting a tour of the sawmill and fabrication facilities, I was closely paying attention to my new boss, as I will do. I'm not generally distracted with ease. We walked through one building, where they were gluing wood planks into "panels" which would then be milled into cabinet door parts later. We started walking into another part of the plant, and as soon as I walked through the doorway from one building to the other, I immediately lost all mental focus, his lips were moving but I was not registering the words. It was one of those moments where you have a "notion" but you have to concentrate on it to decipher its meaning into words. (I think the prophets of old mistook this as the voice of god(s)) It took a moment, but "There's someone here you're meant to meet." was what I got. I tried to get back on focus as he showed us one machine where huge glued up panels were being sanded down into tabletops. There was a woman there working the back end of the machine who was so tiny, I felt less a man watching and not helping, until I saw she wasn't sweating, and had two full carts behind her! But she wasn't the one. That was simply amazing, not someone I was meant to meet. I just "felt" that, and then we walked around the corner, and there she was. Flowing long red hair, built like a brick shithouse, riding on a "mule" an electric pallet jack with a deck on front you could stand on. Imagine a small forklift without a seat.

It was like something from the movies, ray of light, heavenly chorus, the whole nine yards. I was as if every woman I'd ever had a crush on was rolled into one.

Several months of flirting, a year long affair and two destroyed marriages later I found myself expecting my first born with her. We never did get along well, we were far too different in upbringing. 14 years have come and gone since that fateful moment I laid eyes on her. The relationship was so bad, I no longer to hear her voice, see her image or even endure thoughts that make me think of her. I cannot hate, for it destroys peace of mind, but my lower brain functions WANT to hate her. I refrain because I know my daughters must have a good opinion of their mother in order to attain mental stability later in life.

It was some time later, 8yrs into the hell, I think, I read an article in "The Smell of Love".

I realize now, two brilliant, athletic, beautiful and healthy daughters later, my "lower" mental functions, ones left over from the countless centuries of evolution beyond the 6,000 years many believe the Earth to have, simply detected an optimal mate for me. As a result my amygdala caused the secretion of increased dopamine, adrenaline and epinephrine and who knows what else, and caused me to love this person for the sake of reproduction and the well being of my offspring, by remaining with her, regardless of the emotional abuse, infidelity, drugs and poverty induced by her pursuit of happiness outside our family. To this very day, it would take only an occasional act of kindness to string me along indefinitely. Fortunately, she's not able to manage it, and I believe I can finally break free.

If you've found yourself heartbroken, obsessed or depressed over someone you have met. If your pulse quickens, and your eyes dilate and you find yourself hanging on their every moment, most likely there are forces deep within your mind, and deeply rooted in your ancestry, screaming at you like a referee in an Ultimate Fighter ring, "Let's get it on!" Do not mistake if for true love, or "the one", and blindly march into a committed relationship. Statistically speaking, you'll get your heart broken.... proceed with caution, and enjoy the rollercoaster ride of emotion, attachment an fondness. But beware, as a side effect of this love cocktail of hormones, you'll be unable to detect the personality flaws of this person until they hurt you enough that your brain stops making these love juices. You may find yourself married and with new life on the way obligations for life, because you didn't understand your biology.

Know thyself and the truth shall set you free" Jesus

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