To say that this is because of "what one woman has done to me" seems to me that the whole point of the post was missed... as I thought about it, it turned from a short reply to another post.... surprise!
I simply cannot see how my post would leave you to believe that I think they will always end badly I think you're reading more to it than I intended.
I've not arrived at this understanding of love merely over one failed relationship. I've observed literally hundreds and only know of a few that have worked. I've read multiple books, listened to audio books out the wazoo... and since my work seldom demands all of my attention, I've literally puzzled on this very thing for 1000's of hours!
I believe romantic love is a wonderful thing, in moderation and without obsession. My understanding of its "mechanics" does not lessen my appreciation of a successful partnership! It certainly doesn't make me disbelieve in Love. I may as well claim to not believe in the internet. Love really is nearly mechanical, regardless of what sort of "magic box" or fairy tale definition one chooses to explain it. It has measurable elements and predictable results from given inputs. I just see as amazing what others insist to be wonderful. Two different words with different meanings that are very nearly the same.
A roller coaster is no less thrilling to ride for the engineer that designed or the workmen that built it than any given passenger.
My understanding of how my car's mechanical components and they interact doesn't cheapen or render my appreciation of my driving experience "less meaningful". On the contrary, my understanding of these things gives me confidence in it's performance ability, and what dangers to avoid due to it's limitations! It also makes me more attentive and understanding to the symptoms of improper function. Imagine how useful this would be in correlation to your own mind and behaviors!
So many people who are "religious" or "spiritual" wonder about the meaning of life, or "why am I here" and my biological, robotic understanding of human life makes this question extremely simple to answer.
Since I have no confusions about mysterious after-lifes, or reincarnations, I have only the present and a finite future to worry about. Why am I here? Simple. I am a father. I have two children. Right now the reason I am here it to take care of them and lay the mental foundations and educations to make them content, mentally balanced adults and productive members of the planet. All other things are of secondary importance, unless they may jeopardize that goal, of course. When I get done, or by chance along the way, should love cross my path again, as a result of this failed relationship and my intense study of it, I will be more likely to identify a mismatch before heartbreak ensues. I will certainly be more appreciative of the right person than I would If I had no appreciation for the incredible odds that have been overcome! etc.
I mean, since I am really just another animal. If I were, say a bird and I found myself in a bad relationship with eggs in my nest, what would I do?
I put it to you that a definition of one's self that is predictable and mechanical in nature is not less magical than one involving a divine creation, or some frilly wispy spirit with loftier destinations. Sentient beings auto assembled from scratch, from the very dust of the earth.... that's beyond magical. It's astronomically dumbfounding! To me it is, just contemplating the odds is a religious experience for me.
I do not disbelieve in the existence of Love. I understand it and its pitfalls and powers. When it comes my way, I'm going to most certainly buckle my seat belt and keep my hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times... but it sure is gonna be fun!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Love at First Sight
Some years ago, I was a married man in new town. I liked my wife, but I certainly wasn't deeply in love with her. She was very cool, and we had many of the same interests. I had intended to retire, but as (mis)fortune would have it, things worked out to where I got in over my head and had to go back to work.
My usual tactic for seeking employment worked. I never "ask for an application". The first words my future employer will hear from me is "I'm ready to go to work, who do I need to talk to." I've never been without employment for more than two weeks using this tool by the way.
Several days later, while getting a tour of the sawmill and fabrication facilities, I was closely paying attention to my new boss, as I will do. I'm not generally distracted with ease. We walked through one building, where they were gluing wood planks into "panels" which would then be milled into cabinet door parts later. We started walking into another part of the plant, and as soon as I walked through the doorway from one building to the other, I immediately lost all mental focus, his lips were moving but I was not registering the words. It was one of those moments where you have a "notion" but you have to concentrate on it to decipher its meaning into words. (I think the prophets of old mistook this as the voice of god(s)) It took a moment, but "There's someone here you're meant to meet." was what I got. I tried to get back on focus as he showed us one machine where huge glued up panels were being sanded down into tabletops. There was a woman there working the back end of the machine who was so tiny, I felt less a man watching and not helping, until I saw she wasn't sweating, and had two full carts behind her! But she wasn't the one. That was simply amazing, not someone I was meant to meet. I just "felt" that, and then we walked around the corner, and there she was. Flowing long red hair, built like a brick shithouse, riding on a "mule" an electric pallet jack with a deck on front you could stand on. Imagine a small forklift without a seat.
It was like something from the movies, ray of light, heavenly chorus, the whole nine yards. I was as if every woman I'd ever had a crush on was rolled into one.
Several months of flirting, a year long affair and two destroyed marriages later I found myself expecting my first born with her. We never did get along well, we were far too different in upbringing. 14 years have come and gone since that fateful moment I laid eyes on her. The relationship was so bad, I no longer to hear her voice, see her image or even endure thoughts that make me think of her. I cannot hate, for it destroys peace of mind, but my lower brain functions WANT to hate her. I refrain because I know my daughters must have a good opinion of their mother in order to attain mental stability later in life.
It was some time later, 8yrs into the hell, I think, I read an article in "The Smell of Love".
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/the-smell-love
I realize now, two brilliant, athletic, beautiful and healthy daughters later, my "lower" mental functions, ones left over from the countless centuries of evolution beyond the 6,000 years many believe the Earth to have, simply detected an optimal mate for me. As a result my amygdala caused the secretion of increased dopamine, adrenaline and epinephrine and who knows what else, and caused me to love this person for the sake of reproduction and the well being of my offspring, by remaining with her, regardless of the emotional abuse, infidelity, drugs and poverty induced by her pursuit of happiness outside our family. To this very day, it would take only an occasional act of kindness to string me along indefinitely. Fortunately, she's not able to manage it, and I believe I can finally break free.
If you've found yourself heartbroken, obsessed or depressed over someone you have met. If your pulse quickens, and your eyes dilate and you find yourself hanging on their every moment, most likely there are forces deep within your mind, and deeply rooted in your ancestry, screaming at you like a referee in an Ultimate Fighter ring, "Let's get it on!" Do not mistake if for true love, or "the one", and blindly march into a committed relationship. Statistically speaking, you'll get your heart broken.... proceed with caution, and enjoy the rollercoaster ride of emotion, attachment an fondness. But beware, as a side effect of this love cocktail of hormones, you'll be unable to detect the personality flaws of this person until they hurt you enough that your brain stops making these love juices. You may find yourself married and with new life on the way obligations for life, because you didn't understand your biology.
Know thyself and the truth shall set you free" Jesus
My usual tactic for seeking employment worked. I never "ask for an application". The first words my future employer will hear from me is "I'm ready to go to work, who do I need to talk to." I've never been without employment for more than two weeks using this tool by the way.
Several days later, while getting a tour of the sawmill and fabrication facilities, I was closely paying attention to my new boss, as I will do. I'm not generally distracted with ease. We walked through one building, where they were gluing wood planks into "panels" which would then be milled into cabinet door parts later. We started walking into another part of the plant, and as soon as I walked through the doorway from one building to the other, I immediately lost all mental focus, his lips were moving but I was not registering the words. It was one of those moments where you have a "notion" but you have to concentrate on it to decipher its meaning into words. (I think the prophets of old mistook this as the voice of god(s)) It took a moment, but "There's someone here you're meant to meet." was what I got. I tried to get back on focus as he showed us one machine where huge glued up panels were being sanded down into tabletops. There was a woman there working the back end of the machine who was so tiny, I felt less a man watching and not helping, until I saw she wasn't sweating, and had two full carts behind her! But she wasn't the one. That was simply amazing, not someone I was meant to meet. I just "felt" that, and then we walked around the corner, and there she was. Flowing long red hair, built like a brick shithouse, riding on a "mule" an electric pallet jack with a deck on front you could stand on. Imagine a small forklift without a seat.
It was like something from the movies, ray of light, heavenly chorus, the whole nine yards. I was as if every woman I'd ever had a crush on was rolled into one.
Several months of flirting, a year long affair and two destroyed marriages later I found myself expecting my first born with her. We never did get along well, we were far too different in upbringing. 14 years have come and gone since that fateful moment I laid eyes on her. The relationship was so bad, I no longer to hear her voice, see her image or even endure thoughts that make me think of her. I cannot hate, for it destroys peace of mind, but my lower brain functions WANT to hate her. I refrain because I know my daughters must have a good opinion of their mother in order to attain mental stability later in life.
It was some time later, 8yrs into the hell, I think, I read an article in "The Smell of Love".
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/the-smell-love
I realize now, two brilliant, athletic, beautiful and healthy daughters later, my "lower" mental functions, ones left over from the countless centuries of evolution beyond the 6,000 years many believe the Earth to have, simply detected an optimal mate for me. As a result my amygdala caused the secretion of increased dopamine, adrenaline and epinephrine and who knows what else, and caused me to love this person for the sake of reproduction and the well being of my offspring, by remaining with her, regardless of the emotional abuse, infidelity, drugs and poverty induced by her pursuit of happiness outside our family. To this very day, it would take only an occasional act of kindness to string me along indefinitely. Fortunately, she's not able to manage it, and I believe I can finally break free.
If you've found yourself heartbroken, obsessed or depressed over someone you have met. If your pulse quickens, and your eyes dilate and you find yourself hanging on their every moment, most likely there are forces deep within your mind, and deeply rooted in your ancestry, screaming at you like a referee in an Ultimate Fighter ring, "Let's get it on!" Do not mistake if for true love, or "the one", and blindly march into a committed relationship. Statistically speaking, you'll get your heart broken.... proceed with caution, and enjoy the rollercoaster ride of emotion, attachment an fondness. But beware, as a side effect of this love cocktail of hormones, you'll be unable to detect the personality flaws of this person until they hurt you enough that your brain stops making these love juices. You may find yourself married and with new life on the way obligations for life, because you didn't understand your biology.
Know thyself and the truth shall set you free" Jesus
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